I stood guard in the Wal-Mart parking lot while ML went in search of small container of mustard, which he had been tracking down like a sleuth. We had just purchased fake mustaches from a vending machine for a quarter each, but found them to be completely inadequate to our cause (they really go lean with the adhesive). We were very excited about rolling up to the Joshua Tree ranger station and making complete fools of ourselves, but we would have to make do with our natural selves (given our salt-stained, dust and sunscreen caked faces, it wouldn't be that difficult). A remarkably leathery gent sitting next to the bikes looked ready to give out a little spiel, and I played the role of captive audience, as usual.
"I used to play in clubs all over the place: Vegas, LA, San Francisco, you name it, I was there! But then a few Jesus freaks started talking to me. At first I totally blew them off, but then I started listening, and what they said about finding salvation through faith really struck a chord with me. Before you know it I became one of those weirdos myself! Now I use my talents for God's work, singing songs about the Lord to good folks on beautiful days like this. Say, have you developed a relationship with God?"
Not wanting to prolong this any further than necessary (how long does it take to buy mustard, anyway?), I gave my stock answer: "Jesus and I are pretty tight these days, and I thank God every day for it". It must have worked because the subject changed to the coming apocalypse as predicted by some Nostradamus rip-off, predicting "The Big One" to hit California in 2010. For some reason I let slip that I used to be in the Air Force, and our cowboy/troubadour stated that he was "in the Army, Navy, AND Marines...but I liked the Air Force the best...we used to sneak over to their base in Okinawa because they had a movie theater".
It was at that point that ML returned, empty handed (they didn't have anything less than 16 oz., regrettably). We were mounting our bikes when Jesus Geezer asked us what our favorite energy drinks were. "Holy water, and lots of it". "Well, you boys take care and I'll be praying for you". "Thanks, we're gonna need it".
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